Stacy Peterson	Nicole Brown Simpson	Laci Petersen

The common denominator for them is at one time they were in abusive, dangerous and pathological relationships. Two still in a marriage and one out of the marriage—the end result the same: murdered.

We sat as a nation crying out, “Couldn’t SOMETHING have saved them? Why did this happen?”

Finding safety from pathological abusers is obviously not as easy as it seems. Safety plans encompassing restraining orders, just leaving, living in transitional shelter care, or staying with others is not fool-proof regarding protection.

Some victims have confessed to others the danger in their relationships as a form of documentation because they sensed they would be killed. However, family and friends often don’t know what to do with the confession other than telling them to go to the police or to a shelter. Police tell them if they don’t have evidence he has done something, they need to wait until he does something that can be proved. With dangerous and pathological perpetrators, what they CAN do is usually permanent.  

Other victims share little of what they were experiencing. While family, friends, pastors, therapists, and others might have known there was danger from watching the dynamics, in the end, by the time that evidence was criminally needed, the victim was dead.

Why, Why, Why?

The million dollar question remains: ‘Why don’t women come forward before it’s too late?’

Her thought: He’s Not That Disordered

Not aware of, or unconvinced of, his danger and pathology she believes simply leaving to relieve the pressure in the relationship will grant her safety and freedom.

Her thought: He Won’t Go That Far

While many women are fearful while in these abusive relationships, many women do not count on being killed.

Her thought: If Something Happens To Me, He Did It

Those who do fear they will be killed have had very few creative ways of documenting their fear of serious injury or death, outside of telling a close confidant. Let’s face it-- the courts have been less than supportive in Domestic Violence(DV) law requiring proof of violence before granting restraining orders or requiring removal from the house, and after the deadly injury—re-labels testimony as ‘hear say.’

Indeed, the court has a long way to go in preventing intimate partner deaths.

 

Abuse and Its Impact

*1 in 4 women experience physical, mental, and/or emotional abuse by their intimate partner, often referred to as domestic violence or intimate partner violence
*Last year 32,000 lost their jobs due to Domestic Violence absences and on the job harassment
*Which resulted in 8 million days of lost work
*Millions lost in revenue and
*18.5 million mental health visits
*Billions spent in programs that represent the aftermath effects of violence (social services, law enforcement, criminal justice programs, DV programs, etc)
*But most importantly, 2,500 people died last year from Intimate Partner violence and thousands remain missing and unaccounted for.

Lisa Stebic—Missing	Renee Pagel—Murdered, suspect is husband

How Do Abusers Get Away With it?

No Due Process --She Can’t Testify: In a coma, on life support

Terri was married for 20+ years in a relationship with someone whose abuse was never overtly physical but had always been emotional, verbal and with threats of eventual violence. The threats were escalating when she asked for a divorce. Her husband worked as an air conditioning repairman. She reported the threats to the police but no reports were filed, no restraining order allowed.

She awoke to find she had been poisoned by air conditioning fluid, had been in the hospital on life support in a coma for four months. The day before she was poisoned her husband had called community mental health services to report his ‘concern’ she would try to kill herself. With four months on life support, her husband began discussing with the doctor when he could ‘relieve her pain and suffering’ and unplug her. She woke up the day the plug was going to be pulled.

If Terri had had a way of documenting her fears that he may try to kill her, he would have become a suspect immediately in the case.

She Can’t Testify: She’s Missing

Renee Pernice Missing since 2009

Weapons found in her home belonged to Iraq War Vet husband, blood evidence removed from their home with acid washing.  A history of martial problems, separation and previous filings for divorce are named as part of the probable motives. Her husband was also questioned in the disappearance of Star Boomer. Documentation of her husband’s weapons, mental health history, other acts of violence, questioning in another woman’s disappearance, would have aided a quicker arrest in this case.